my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize