I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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