Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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