I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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