Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
