in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
