I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
