I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
