I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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