So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
