Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
