That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
