it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize