Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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