We won't sleep together?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
