I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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