You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
