I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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