I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize