it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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