I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
