She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
