Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
