What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
