Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This is classic penis vs brain.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
