I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
