It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize