Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i need some magic done to my vagina
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize