please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
