Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
