whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
