They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
