I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
