I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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