I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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