Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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