I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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