im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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