dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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