i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
