Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
