i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
