3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Panties = found
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
