one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
