I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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