Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
