theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
