Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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