Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
