i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize