I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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