Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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