I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
