i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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