yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
