You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
