I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My ass is underappreciated
Sext me about skeletons
I deserve this hangover.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
