apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize