this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
