You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
