I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
