Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
