Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
