break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
