they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
