I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
