i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
