we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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