Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
