Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize