I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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