We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
