I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found a bag of teeth...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
