Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize