Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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