Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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