I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
