How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
