We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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