I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
