Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then my night got REAL pukey
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize