my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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