his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
