i just wanna soil my oats bro
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
